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life is so big

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Aug. 8th, 2007 | 04:08 pm
mood: geekygeeky
music: North by Phoenix

Summer really cracks me up, spending uneven days at home and trying to discover means to think light.  So this is my first entry, a try-out.. Writing digital may affect the content, I am afraid. I've never managed to stop or control when I work with the feel of the paper and the ink flow. My thoughts aren't organized, suffer with me.

   What is the Happy Medium that would fix me?
   Do people who never stop to think, feel empty?
   Don't people who are able to clear their minds, ever find it an impossible lightness?

   I, simply put, think too much. Most of my thoughts probably rubbish. Sometimes I come up with answers. Sometimes not; mostly not. I hope no-one is able to read my mind. I hope they guess randomly.
   I also want to accomplish things. I punish myself thinking I am lazy ( I know many who would agree). On better days I am just not motivated and my energy not focused. So am I daydreaming, or organizing my mind to actually achieve something bigger?
   My friend could be called a collector. He stores everything in his memory, man, seriously he could say on what date month year I had said this or that to him. Not only one or two VI things, but basically the most mundane things too.
   I never found out if he kept an extensive diary or just had the scariest memory, but that thing, thinking too much about things got to him. Made him a panicky and a restless person. Also made him pretty hard to bear - imagine having an argument with a guy who could say "on 2.11.2001 you told me that you weren't going with me to see my friends"..
   Is this always-continuing process of analyzing and pondering going to get to me, or is it going to get me somewhere?


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